Dear Baby

**Disclaimer** I am sorry for the emotional posts... I am not sure what is going on; July 26th marks some emotional times for me of which I am grateful and needed to document before I become too decrepit to remember:)

Dear Baby,

Today also marks what would have been your fifth birthday. I cannot believe I would have a five year old! Is it strange that I miss you even though we never met? I long for that day!
I think losing you was the most painful experience of my life and though I would never wish that experience on another soul, I can see now that through our loss, I truly gained so much in experience and perspective and knowledge.
I know now what it feels like to have someone totally and completely dependent on you and to feel like you have failed them to the point of death. I know the feeling of loss, disappointment and grief that accompanied our experience and the despair I was left with in the aftermath. Even though you were only here in my thoughts for 20 weeks before you left us, we will miss you our whole lives and always remember. I know there have been dozens of times already where I have been able to truly empathize because of the sorrow and loss I have felt from losing you.
The perspective I have gained is one of eternity when I think hardest about it. I know that we have the opportunity to know you someday and have you as part of our family. What a wonderful time that will be. I know our sorrow will pass. It already seems like that time in our life was so short, even though at the time, I didn't' know if I could keep breathing for another minute.
I have also learned so much about who I am as a mother and what my ultimate goals in life are to be. I'm not sure I would've been able to make the decisions I have regarding our family, had it not been for you. I always knew that I wanted to have children and the whole time I was pregnant with you, I knew I wanted you... but I was scared to death at the thought of being a mommy so soon and not sure how I was going to fit in all my goals (law school, mommy, wife, etc.). After losing you, everything became so clear so fast. Because of that experience, I knew EXACTLY what I wanted and what I was meant to do. The irony is that I had to WAIT 2 1/2 more years before I truly could experience motherhood! What a journey it has been!
I know I would not be me without you and the short experience you had with us. I remember being so sick I couldn't move, so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open and so desperate I had to rely on others around me... all for you. It was all worth it, and I wouldn't have it any other way because I could've never appreciated life, and especially you, the way I do now.
I love you child of mine and cherish the day we finally meet!
Love,
Mommy

**PS- if any of you have an experience you would like to share and how it impacted you, please leave me a message... I would love to hear yours too!

Happy Birthday Jen!

Jen blowing out her tealight birthday cake-- oops I didn't have any birthday candles;) so it looks a little more like a shrine to chocolate cake... which, it really was anyway... mmm! Also of note is the fact that Jen is standing in an action pose because she tried harder than anyone I know to blow out all her candles with one blow-- and she did it! Hope you thought of a good wish!!

Still makes my mouth water to think about this much chocolatey goodness in one slice of cake heaven! I'm not boasting about my baking skills, but man! This is also the up-close with tea lights... classy, huh!

Today marks a very special occasion for us... the birthday of Ben's sister who is next in line from him. Ben has been so blessed to have her in his life for the past 28 years of his 29 year life. I know that he would not be who he is without her, and to be honest, neither would I. Jennifer is such a beautiful example to us of fUn, selflessness, talent, but never boasting;

I could go on much longer, but the point is that Jennifer is an example to me everyday of the type of person I WANT to be (someday if I work really hard, I... nah, it would take nothing short of a miracle)! Really, Jen, if you read this, I think that you have so many beautiful, wonderful qualities, but one of the greatest is your ability to emulate the Savior in your selflessness. I know that it is so rare for you to put yourself or your comforts above anyone else; You know how to make your family feel important and you show them everyday in everything you do how much they mean to you.

I am so grateful that we have had this time in Laramie with you! You have bailed me out of more predicaments than you probably even know and have quickly made your way into a special place in my heart. I never thought we would get the opportunity to live in the same town and be "bosom buddies" (Anne of G. G.) but now I cannot imagine living apart! I guess now that can always be my dream of where we end up:) I love that we have so much in common and so many likes and dislikes we would've never guessed! It often amazes me when we say or do the exact same thing without the other knowing. I love you dear sister and friend and I will NEVER forget the wonderful time we have had here getting to know each other. Thank You and Happy Birthday- I hope it was as happy for you as it was for me!

Love, Jamie

Little Z today-- he is such a good smiler now, but we have yet to get a good smile on camera (we're usually too enthralled with the cute baby smile to think "quick get the camera!" someday though. someday.

Is this Utah?

As we prepare to leave Wyoming, we are finding all sorts of last minute things to do and people to see (a special thanks to all who have or will humor us in our endeavors)! This past weekend was no exception, in fact it has been highlighted on our calendar for months... none other than the enfamous Pieper Family Reunion.

This year the family decided a one day adventure in Heber, Ut would suffice and so over 90 of us descended on the poor town (imagine minivans and cousins as far as the eye could see)-- a slight exagerration, but you get the idea... It was a fabulous event and a great time to reconnect with some of our favorite people. I think after this life will be much like the joy we feel when we gather in love, joy and comfort like this only together forever... Some of our relatives may not be that excited to have forever and Jamie in the same sentence, but they will learn to deal:) We were even able to meet some cousins I had not met before... believe it or not, I think I have met all of Ben's first cousins now--an accomplishment for the ages! I really do enjoy times like these and love that Ben comes from a big, loving family. One of the highlights for me was chatting in person with the blogging divas of the family. Its so funny because I feel so connected to their families, though we may have only met a handful of times or less. Blogging is truly a gift and I hope that I represent our family and life as well as they.

So, the reason for the name of this post... As we were preparing to leave Friday, I was trying to get Ike psyched to drive to Utah. I don't think anyone in their right mind could be psyched to drive along I-80 through Wyoming, but I thought maybe I could brainwash him... Anyway, as we were driving to our friend's house across town in Laramie Isaac exclaims "Is this Utah Mommy?!?!" I had to squash all his dreams of Utah right then and about 10 other times as his patience wore thinner during the drive... Ahh, if only Utah were Rock Springs... hmm, there's a thought!

Other highlights from our weekend included visiting the Oquirrh Mountain Temple Open House. It was a really neat opportunity for us to take the boys to the Temple and walk through the entire building (it was just recently built) before it is dedicated at the end of the month. Isaac kept saying "This is where Jesus lives!" Cute! I think even in the bustle we could feel the Spirit and the Peace of being in this Holy Place. What a neat opporutnity for our family... I HIGHLY recommend going (all public are welcome) to an Open House if you ever get the chance. Before all was said and done, he was, as is typical, humming his way through the temple with various songs and charming everyone around us... How can you not enjoy that!?

We also had the great privilege to catch up with our friends, The Andersons who left us last year and are now cheating on us in Utah (they were our LOST buddies). It was great to let the kids play and catch up a bit, even if they did ditch part of church for us (thanks guys!) and even if Tempe went around chanting that she doesn't like boys (but for some reason liked Ben... hmm....) Isaac on the other hand, left saying how nice Tempe and Helena were (not sure he picked up on Tempe's SUBTLE hints)! Maybe they are a match made in heaven!!

Our last stop before the dreaded return trip was to meet our new landlords (who have just relocated to Tooele UT). They are great! It was so nice to meet them (I'm sure we would've been friends if we ever would've met there). They gave us lots of tips and pointers (they are a young family like us). It certainly made us more excited and confident in the area where we will live!

Well, about three weeks left now... I should definitely be packing more boxes! Hopefully the packing fairy visits us soon.. ahh, there's an idea!

Lots of Pics...

Zach's Blessing Day 7/5/09

Our families on Zachary's Blessing Day-- very bright sun

Daddy and Ike watching fireworks from our apt-a great view for future reference

Ike and I decorated his four wheeler for the kiddie parade- he was pretty proud, but got blown away by the big kids!

Isaac and Macy... they "look" innocent like, "What, can't we just read our books in peace?!" But, look at the mess around them (it got worse)! Funny friends!

Ike on the Terry Bison Ranch... he'd be such a happy buffalo wrangler, wouldn't he!

Feeding the buffalo from the train... a really fun time!

Goodbye Uncle Andy... We sure do miss you!

Travels Visitors Moving Oh My!

The past few weeks have been so busy for us! I knew this summer was going to fly by with all we have going in our family, but I guess I had anticipated a little downtime too! Oh well, life is way funner this way and I remember the first few weeks of Ike's life, I was feeling tired and the monotony of feeding, changing diapers, bathing, sleeping, and then starting over... This way, there has been very little monotony, which I think has helped us all survive a little easier!
First, we did make an 8 hour trip to Rexburg June 18th to participate in the much celebrated and anticipated wedding of Aunt Ribie as she is called at our house (Rebecca to the rest of the world)! It was a lovely time and even the traveling wasn't so bad! The first night, we drove to Pinedale and stayed with Joni and Clay-- we drove all the way there without stopping (4 1/2 hours)! Way to go boys!! Needless to say, we were really tired of being in the car, so we spent the next morning going to the "Pinedale Beach" aka Fremont Lake- which is way too cold to swim in, but fun to play at the water's edge and soak up the first sight of sunlight in a month! Anyway, the rest of the weekend was wonderful too! Beck's wedding was fabulous and a beautiful ceremony... I don't think any of us will be forgetting it anytime soon:) We are so excited to have a new addition (Michael) to our family and look forward to lots and lots of years of getting to know him (since we only get to see him for 10 minutes at a time, it'll probably take a lifetime to get to know him)! I think one of the highlights of the trip for us (it was a very quick weekend trip...) was getting to hang out with Casey and Rachel (and baby Isaiah) post wedding reception. I feel really blessed that my inlaws (and outlaws...) even like me because I can be inept at times;) Anyway, it was a great weekend!
The next weekend our friend, Jamie, came up to visit and we went to the Terry Bison Ranch in Cheyenne (mark another location off our list of things to do before we leave Wyoming!) We had a great time and even rode a train all around the ranch (over 1 hr long) and fed the bison, camels, etc. They actually have quite a few different animals, some more exotic than others... Regardless, Ike was thrilled and Zach had some quality sleep time there!
Lucky for us, the next week happened to be 4th of July, and lucky for us, most of our family was able to come spend it with us in Laramie as we celebrated our nation and our new son. We were able to do some fun camping (well, some braver souls without 5 week old babies...) and cooking out, a kiddie parade, and the park celebration here in town (a great time for anyone looking for a fun place to be on the 4th)! We ended the evening with a dinner with some close friends and family (thanks everyone who hung around town for us) and then fireworks. It was an awesome weekend and I feel so blessed that we could have so many supporters here for us and especially for little Zach. Ben's parents made the long haul (8hours) with Sarah, Peter, Hannah and Mary, Jen and Tom gave up their fun 4th of July plans to be here (thanks so much- we couldn't have pulled off this feat without you)! Joni and Clay also made the trip with their kiddos- I think one of the funnest things to watch is how much fun Macy and Ike have together. They play like best friends and don't even fight... They are such good little playmates, which makes us even more heartbroken to leave. We were also lucky enough to have Jamie home that weekend to make it up for the festivities, and our other great friends here in town- Jamie and Stuart (thanks Jame for being too "with child" for traveling over the holiday)! Zach's blessing took place at church Sunday. It was really special, once again, to have a big crowd there for him. What a great time in life! He is a pretty special little boy and I am so excited (though I hope it slows down so I can savor it) for his life. I know he has many unique and wonderful opportunities ahead.
After the "family rush," my plan was to begin the packing process... hmm... still working on that! Instead we have spent most days helping my parents pack, as they sold their house earlier than expected and had to move to Nebraska sooner too. We had lots of fun times around the house enjoying the last few days of living in the same town. Ike just loves to go over and play with their "special toys" and eat junk food or juice or pretty much whatever they have! He also really enjoyed playing in his pool on their patio and pretending like he was making "bean casserole," as he said, (I promise I've never actually made that, but from the sounds of it, Ike would really like it!) He has also gained a deep love an admiration for mowing-- so now his two favorite make believe games are pretending that he's printing and then mowing (both loud events)!
Monday the boys and I headed to Nebraska with mom and dad to make their final move with the big truck. It was a great 4 hour road trip and almost uneventful (even better)! We did stop at a Perkins to "milk the horses" as my dad refers to feeding Zack and while there, my dad decided to be a really supportive gramps and even burb Zack (not sure he knew the dangers involved). Zack must've recognized that this was a burping virgin with a clean shirt and made sure to get dad good- oops! I did appreciate the help though!Their new place is really great, though when we got about 30 mins. outside of town, Ike exclaimed "I want to go to grandma's old house, I don't like this North Platte!"He has since changed his mind (the new place has more space to run around, if that's possible). It is definitely going to be strange not having my family in town for the next month that we are still here. I guess you could say it is the end of an "era" for Pokorny's in Laramie. I recognize that this has been a special place where all of our lives could come together for a few years. How special! I see now what a unique opportunity this has been. I feel like maybe one of the reasons we didn't get into dental school right away was so we could spend more time together and really create lasting friendships and bonds (especially with Ike). Anyway, enough... I don't want to get too sloshy over Laramie... I still have a month left to realize how much I really do love it:) Ok, love is a strong word and I need to remember that it is summer- the best time of year for Laramie... mid winter, I don't think I could ever use the word love!
I know this post is out of control in length, but our month has been so full of events, it seems difficult to cut any of them too short! While we were in North Platte and Ike was taking advantage of said space (i.e. mildly running indoors), he happened to skid to a stop right in front of the coffee table. Unfortunately, his awesome skid happened on a blanket and as a result he hit his face (why is it always the face?!) on the coffee table (particularly right above his front teeth on his gums). These things always happen when I'm the only one around and I actually saw this one occur, though not in enough time to save the situation. It was a gory sight, but is healing nicely... He has a very fat upper lip, but lucky for all of us, I have decided not to document the event in pictures:) I think Isaac has forgotten all about it, but I don't think I will for a very long time!
I love to put in things Isaac is saying now... Yesterday my dad had just finished painting in the garage (he is very thorough and the new owners are pretty much the luckiest people alive)! Anyway, Ike walked in the garage to marvel with us at the fresh coat of paint and exclaimed "It smells like elk poop in here gwampa!" I have no idea where he got that idea, but he was rather insistent... funny boy!
Update on Zack: he is so happy and smiling for us all the time now! What a great stage (like I've mentioned before, I don't remember these stages with Ike as much b/c I was so so tired)! Zack has also outgrown his newborn clothes in length this week... sad, but is definitely another skinny boy- if only I had their metabolism! He is even talking and smiling at Isaac (I wasn't sure he'd ever do anything but frown at Ike, given Isaac's love and constant bugging Zack) I'm sure paybacks are coming though! Zack has also managed to keep his hair (a miracle with Ike around) so we are keeping our fingers crossed that it won't fall out! It is definitely getting longer too and just may present itself like Ike's baby doo-- we called it the golum b/c it was long and stringy... time will tell!
Well, a little less than a month left in Laramie... yikes! We have accomplished lots of the prep work, but now that we are down to it, we have lots left to do! It will be an interesting month and just as busy as the past one!

I'm not half bad...

I love taking photos, but often do not have the talent that I wish I did to capture what I wish I could... Anyway, I did happen to get a couple of shots of the boys on Sunday and Monday and thought I would share them with you... Please notice, everyone is still relatively happy and healthy and well fed (crossing my fingers that that can continue, though relatively is the key word in the phrase)! Anyway, we are off tomorrow for Beck's wedding in Rexburg-- Zach's first big trip in the car (also crossing my fingers for this one)! Should be a blog-worthy adventure to say the least!!

Oh, I also have to mention a couple more things Isaac is saying... He came to me the other day and said, "Mommy, I your baby woke up and he said he wants more of your milk!" This is still making me chuckle days later:) I just love that boy! He also found out that Grandma Pieper's first name is LaJean, and along with that, he found out that she isn't thrilled about him calling her that, so he decided he will call her that without fail, and sometimes he just chants it because he can... I can't believe a 2 year old can be so good at teasing! He also heard my dad and I talking about a friend we call Jean Jean the Dancing Machine and Isaac decided that that would be a good name for his grandma, so now he's singing LaJean LaJean the Dancing Machine! Oh boy... this should make for an interesting weekend! I'll keep you posted, that is, if I live!

Introducing Little Zachary James

I suppose it is finally time to introduce little Zachary. He was born May 27, 2009 at 7:27am 8lbs 1 oz, 21 inches long- after only 3 hours of labor. So in short, labor was a relative breeze (which I feel bad admitting) and uncomplicated- I'm sure this was a precursor to this little boy's personality. He is such a sweet joy! Zachary is a big eater during the day and a big sleeper at night, which makes for a very very happy mommy! He is very easy going and quite content to do anything we put him up to! As you can see, he was born with a mop of dark hair, darker skin, and dark blue eyes. We are not sure how our boys got so handsome, or so many dark, cute features, but I am pretty sure our girls are going to be powdery white and bald until they're 10! Oh well, we'll still love 'em!

Little Zach-y, as Ike has lovingly nicknamed him, had to spend a couple of days with jaundice on the billi bed, but was quite content to do so... Maybe it is because that is about the only relief he had from Ike, or maybe it was because he likes sunbathing... not sure! He was so good at staying on the bed as much as possible, much to the relief of his parents. He has also been sleeping in his bassinet, which to me is a major accomplishment! After all the trepidation I had in the last couple weeks of pregnancy, this little one has completely won me over. We now cannot possibly imagine life without little Zachy and all of his patience and long-suffering (Ike really loves him A LOT)! We have actually spent the past couple of weeks going about life in an almost normal fashion... Keeping my tradition of being outside walking/running whenever possible, Zach and Ike have accompanied me on walks almost everyday (no running yet:). Last weekend, Ben and I even took a day trip to Fort Collins shopping with the boys. Isaac started singing "I love Fort Collins!" That went on for quite awhile!

I also have to share some of the things Ike has been saying lately concerning little Zach... He'll come up to him and say "Oh, I know baby, I know" (I'm thinking, are they both that disgruntled with us as parents??) He also loves to sing "Hush little baby won't you cry..." He is quick to offer compliments like "Look atcha cute little toes and ya cute little eyes," etc... I was definitely afraid that Ike would feel a little jealousy, etc, but so far, none whatsoever... It's almost like we just gave him the best toy ever! He is thoroughly enthralled! The first morning when Zach was at home, he awoke at 5:30am and must've awoke Ike because he decided to get up then too (he usually doesn't wake until 8am), so all 4 of us were up at 5:30 and decided to watch Beauty and the Beets (as Ike calls it- really Beauty and the Beast). It was a really fun bonding time for all of us, but definitely warranted the nap later that morning!

We have also received lots of visitors and special helpers over the past two weeks and were very very excited to have Grandma Pieper, Sarah, Hannah and Mary come visit from Idaho last week. What a treat! Since recovery for our family has been going so well, we actually even made a shopping trip to Cheyenne with the girls. What fun! I think part of the reason this transition has gone so smoothly is because of all the help we have had, especially from Jen and Jenny Wren visiting so much the first week we were home- they kept us all happy and sane! We also couldn't have done so well without plenty of yummy food and well wishes brought by our friends and family here in town- so thanks to all!

We are also thrilled that Ben's little sister, Mary decided to stay the week in Laramie with us. She is such a helper and joy to have around- we are really going to miss opportunities like this when we move. Ike is just loving her to pieces. In fact, this morning I awoke to Ike singing "wake up Mary" to her from his bed... Luckily she sleeps like a Pieper log, so she wasn't phased! Mary inspired us yesterday to take a little hiking trip to Vedauwoo. We actually did the Turtle Rock trail (I think it's over 2 miles) and little Zach actually did very well too- I only had to stop and feed him at the waterfalls.

Anyway, I feel like typing this post is definitely going to jinx us, but we have just experienced what I think was a tender mercy! Little Zach came to us healthy and very happy and so far, we haven't done much to mess that up! Our two little boys are just the sunshine we need to make it through the next few years of Arizona and dental school. It is so true that the Lord gives us certain things at certain times for certain purposes. We are so grateful for His perspective to guide our lives~ I definitely couldn't have done better!